


My Heart is Buried in Venice

by neanito



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Based on a song, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, You Have Been Warned, also implied romantic engagement but it's barely there, and the song doesn't even match lmao, and then..., but again if you squint, fluff if you squint, how does one tag, i kinda hate myself for this one, i'm so sorry for hurting iwa-chan, if you like suffering this might be nice i think, maybe a little comfort, rip my writing abilities btw, swearing btw, this was kinda sad for me but i didn't cry so ur gucci, very ambiguous, you can guess what happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28749855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neanito/pseuds/neanito
Summary: "Come rest your bones next to meAnd toss all your thoughts to the seaI'll pull up each of our anchorsSo we can get lost, you and me."---Just a morning in the life of Iwaizumi Hajime with Oikawa Tooru.(There really isn't anything else I can say.)
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	My Heart is Buried in Venice

**Author's Note:**

> music inspiration: my heart is buried in venice by ricky montgomery (love him btw)
> 
> was struggling about whether to post this or not, but ehhh might as well.
> 
> warning: this is not an accurate or designated portrayal of mental health. this is simply a fictional idea in a fictional setting under ficitional circumstances, so it was not made to portray anything other than what it is in the story.
> 
> also second warning: might be sad
> 
> anyways enjoy :9

Hajime woke up at 8:32 am to the sound of someone humming. 

The sun just peeked over the clouds that hung low in the sky, sending soft rays that kissed warmth into his chilled skin. His eyes opened up against the brightness.

It was the first sunny morning that December had brought in a while.

It was nice.

Slowly working the sleep from his tired body, Hajime rolled over, facing the left side of the bed. When he gained more consciousness, he turned his head in the direction of the melody; a soft, soothing tune that lulled in his ear. A smile crept its way to his lips, and he reached out to the pillow in front of him.

  
  


_\--- 8 months before._

_“Tooru… Tooru… Time to wake up, baby.”_

_“Mmph… No, Hajime, five more minutes…”_

_“Tooru…”_

_“...”_

_“Toor-- OI, SHITTYKAWA, TIME TO GET THE FUCK UP!”_

_“BWAUGH!”_

_\---_

  
  


“Good morning, Tooru.”

The humming came to a stop as Tooru turned, his open eyes finding Hajime’s. The brown swirl of his irises caught the light of the morning sun, casting his gaze in an ethereal light.

Beautiful.

“Good morning, Iwa-chan,” Tooru sighed lightly, leaning in closer to his lover. Hajime closed his eyes, waiting for the warmth emanating from the other to envelope him.

But Tooru pulled away, and Hajime opened his eyes once more, sighing into the fabric underneath his head.

“How did you sleep?” he asked softly, not wanting to leave his bed.

“Perfectly,” Tooru replied, reaching his hand out. He laughed softly, hovering his hand over Hajime’s cheek. “But Iwa-chan, you look terrible! You better go to sleep earlier, or else you’re going to have those bags forever!”

Hajime chuckled, reaching for Tooru’s hand, but just missing it as Tooru pulled away once more. A slight pang filled his chest, and he winced against the pain.

“Yeah, I should,” he said, his smile fading. “But it’s harder to go to sleep these days, you know.”

Tooru smiled knowingly, his eyebrows upturned in sympathy. “I know, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime leaned closer, indulging himself with gazing at the man. He was beautiful.

Tooru was so beautiful.

Just as he was about to reach out, Tooru sat up suddenly, stretching his arms over his head.

“Time to get up, Iwa-chan! It’s a big day today, and we both have to look our absolute best. For me, of course.”

Hajime groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. “Five more minutes, Tooru. Please.”

Tooru laughed. “No way, Iwa-chan. This is the big day. No lollygagging!”

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

Tooru ignored him, jumping up completely and flopping off the bed in the least graceful way possible. Hajime barked out a soft laugh at the man’s inelegance, pushing himself to sit up as well.

“Don’t laugh and get your lazy bones up, Iwa-chan!” Tooru squawked as he popped up from the other side of the bed.

Hajime sighed, slipping out of the blanket, shivering against the chilly December air. “Fine, fine.”

He made his way to the bathroom, stretching out the kinks in his back and arms. He wasn’t lying when it was harder to sleep. His back felt like it was made of metal when he turned to close the bathroom door. 

Softly from behind the wood, he heard the same melody that woke him up.

After flushing the toilet and washing his hands, Hajime grabbed the toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter, wetting the brush then squeezing the tube’s contents onto it. He looked back up, sticking the brush into his mouth, his gaze sliding to the smiling brunette in the reflection.

“You look so gross in the morning, Iwa-chan,” Tooru teased, crossing his arms. He was already in his suit, the one with the light grey tie that matched the stripes on the button down.

“Shut up, Shittykawa,” Hajime said through the toothbrush. He spit into the sink. “You don’t look that much better.” He eyed the random stroke of crimson in the middle of the man’s shirt.

“Well I’d have plenty of reason not to. Besides, it doesn’t matter really, does it?”

Hajime examined the man in the reflection. Of course it didn’t matter. It never mattered with Tooru.

He was always beautiful.

“Meh.”

“Rude, Iwa-chan!” Tooru frowned. He turned back to himself, touching up his wildly askew hair. “Well, you better get yourself ready. I forbid you from looking like a hot mess today.”

Hajime chuckled as Tooru stomped out of the bathroom. He wiped his mouth on the towel, examining himself in the mirror for a moment before looking down at the products on the sink counter.

They were all Tooru’s. He smiled and picked up a half-empty bottle of gel, wiping off the dust from the sides of the container. He twisted off the lid, squeezing a small portion of the gel onto his fingers.

The scent was musky, a small hint of floral that sent a wave of heat running through Hajime’s body.

It smelt like Tooru.

  
  


_\--- 3 months before._

_“Tooru, c’mon, just pick one.”_

_“This is important, Iwa-chan! Picking the right hair gel is a big decision, you know. Just because you can accept the fact that you look like a hedgehog everyday doesn’t mean I have to suffer!”_

_“If you don’t pick one in the next ten seconds I’m leaving this store without you.”_

_“That’s not a real threat, Iwa-chan. You’re gonna have to try better than that.”_

_“Fine. If you don’t choose one then I’m never letting you top again.”_

_“WHA-- Okay, okay Iwa-chan, no need to be cruel!”_

_\---_

  
  


“Hurry up, Iwa-chan!”

Hajime chuckled as he finished with his hair, moving back to the bedroom to change. He stripped quickly from his shirt and sweatpants, pausing to examine the plastic-encased suit that hung at the front of the opened closet. He sighed, slowly pulling off the plastic and the black jacket that hung underneath. He set the jacket down onto the bed.

After sliding into his pants and shirt, he walked over to the mirror in the corner of the room to tie the tie around his neck. He worked slowly, running the black fabric through his fingers absentmindedly. Once he was done, he took a step back to examine himself, once again finding his lover in the reflection standing behind him.

“You look handsome, Iwa-chan,” Tooru said softly. His gaze flicked to the black jacket that Hajime had disregarded. “Can I see the whole thing?”

Hajime nodded, turning back to pick up the jacket and toss it over his shoulders and sliding his arms through the sleeves. He smoothed out the front, tugging the lapels to adjust the blazer.

“So handsome,” Tooru murmured, leaning his cheek into one hand. “Iwa-chan looks so sexy in a suit.”

Hajime examined himself once more, checking behind his shoulder for any folds. He straightened, a grin tugging the corner of his lips.

  
  


_\--- 10 years before._

_“Mmm… Iwa-chan… that suit looked so good on you-- mmph!”_

_“Tooru, shut the fuck up so I can get this tie off of you… Fuck, why is the knot so tight?”_

_“Kinky, Hajim-- ow, don’t bite! Rude, Iwa-chan!”_

_“Shut up, Shittykawa… And you looked good too, for the record.”_

_“Aw, Iwa-chan is a romantic!”_

_\---_

  
  


“Remember high school graduation?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at Tooru. The other man giggled, moving the hand he had his head in to cover his mouth.

“Of course,” Tooru smirked, a mischievous glint in his eye. “You were so ready to get me right out of that uniform. We barely made it back to my house because you were such a brute!”

Hajime scoffed, readjusting his tie. “No way, Crappykawa. You were the one who practically couldn’t keep your hands off of me.”

“Was not!”

“Was too.”

Tooru huffed. “Well, I specifically remember you telling me, and I quote Iwa-chan, ‘God, Tooru, you make me so ho--’”

“OKAY!” Hajime coughed, turning back to the closet. He opened his sock drawer, willing the burn in his cheeks to go down. “Let’s call it a mutual exchange of desire.”

He heard Tooru giggle behind him. “Okay, Iwa-chan. Whatever you say.”

Hajime smiled, hearing the faint melody of the song Tooru was humming return as he slipped his socks on before going back to the dresser to pick out a watch.

His eyes wandered over the small selection of silver, before landing on the last on the right. He picked it up, examining the dark grey ridges of the band.

  
  


\--- _1 year before._

_“... Are you serious?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“This… H-Hajime, you know what this is, right? We’re both looking at the watch, right? I’m not imagining this, right?!”_

_“Oi, are you gonna accept the fucking gift or not, Asskawa?”_

_“Am I gonna accept it?”_

_“Yeah. I-I mean, if you don’t like it, I can always take it back--”_

_“Fuck no, I love it Hajime! Of course I’ll accept! Oh god, it’s the same one from the magazine, too! Y-you, Hajime, you-- I… I can’t even... ”_

_“Yeah, I know. Come here.”_

\---

  
  


“I like that one.”

Hajime chuckled as he secured the watch on his wrist before turning around. “Well, you should. It’s yours.”

Tooru smiled, hands clasped behind his back. Hajime ran his eyes over the pale expanse of Tooru’s face, pausing at the curve of his mouth momentarily before looking him in the eye again.

“Breakfast?”

Tooru nodded. “You should eat.”

Hajime walked down the short hallway into the kitchen, pausing at the mound papers that piled on the breakfast bar. He sighed, shuffling the various medical bills and receipts into an organized stack. Hajime reminded himself that the latest visit to Dr. Fukuoka still needed to be paid off.

The song Tooru hummed came louder from the living room. Hajime smiled as he ran his hand over the paper.

  
  


_\--- 2 months before._

_“Tooru, what is that song?”_

_“Hmm? Which one?”_

_“The one you keep humming.”_

_“Mmm… I don’t think I know the name, just the melody. Why? You like my sexy singing, Iwa-chan?”_

_“No, I was actually going to ask you to shut up, Shittykawa. I’ve gotta fill this form out.”_

_“Iwa-chan!”_

_\---_

  
  


“Hey, Tooru, did you ever figure out the name of that song?” Hajime asked, walking over to the coffee machine. He started it up, glancing back to the living room.

Tooru pursed his lips in thought. “No, unfortunately. But I think I know some of the lyrics!” Hajime poured the coffee into his mug as he listened to Tooru hum his way through the song.

“Something like _‘_ _Come rest your bones next to me, and toss all your thoughts to the sea. I'll pull up each of our anchors, so we can get lost, you and me..._ ” Tooru trailed off. “And then I forgot the chorus.”

“Ah. Well that one part was nice.”

“It was, wasn’t it?”

Hajime smiled into his coffee, leaning against the counter. “Yeah.”

Tooru walked through the kitchen, moving to stand next to Hajime. “Have you gotten your appetite back yet, Iwa-chan?” he asked gently, a hint of sadness in his close-lipped smile.

Hajime sighed, placing his mug down. “Not yet. I’m sorry.” He didn’t meet Tooru’s gaze, instead choosing to stare at the navy toes of his socks.

He heard the other man exhale. “I’m worried, Iwa-chan. You need to eat.”

Hajime bit his lip. “But… you know how it is, Tooru.”

“I do.”

Hajime closed his eyes, feeling the pang in his chest rise.

“But Hajime, you have to take care of yourself.”

The pang spread, his heart squeezing painfully.

“I… I know.”

“Not just for me, okay? For everyone else, too.” Tooru paused, and Hajime could hear the shuffling of his feet. “Anyways, what time do you need to start getting ready to leave? We all know Iwa-chan is always late to everything.”

Hajime scoffed, opening his eyes. He glared at Tooru, who now sat in front of him on top of the breakfast bar. “I think Issei and Takahiro are gonna come around 10 ish. And I’m not always late.”

Tooru rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “Please, Iwa-chan. You were late to our own wedding.”

Hajime frowned. “That wasn’t my fault!”

Tooru laughed, eyes crinkling as he tilted his head back. Hajime softened at the sight.

Beautiful.

“Sure, sure.” Tooru sighed and lolled his head to the side, where his gaze caught the side of a stray paper next to him. “Eh, what’s this? Round trip for two... to Europe?”

Hajime’s breath caught in his throat. “Ah, that’s… that was…”

  
  


_\--- 1 month before._

_“ITALY?!”_

_“Jeez, Shittykawa, you’re gonna wake the neighbors!”_

_“Ouch! But, wait, are you serious? Is this a prank? You know I’ve always wanted to go, Iwa-chan, this better not be a joke!”_

_“Fuck, Tooru, let go… FUCK-- of course it’s not a joke, you ass. Woah, hey! Hey, stop pulling--”_

_“I don’t even know what to say, Hajime, oh my goodness, wow… We're really going, huh?”_

_“Yeah, we are. And how about a thank you, you shit?”_

_“Thank you thank you thank you thank you so much Hajime! Oh god, I love you so much…”_

_“MMPH… Yeah, yeah, I love you too--”_

_“OH! Where in Italy?”_

_“I was thinking of Venice. S’posed to be nice in the spring.”_

_“Venice… Venice sounds perfect, Hajime.”_

_\---_

  
  


“Ah.” Tooru nodded in understanding. “I was really looking forward to it, you know.”

Hajime bit his lip to prevent his chin from quivering. He exhaled, unravelling the knot that had built in his throat. “Yeah, me too.”

“Iwa-chan, you should still go.”

Hajime picked up his mug and sipped his coffee quietly, a heavy silence falling on the kitchen. His eyes roamed the man in front of him, his eyes lingering on the deep red embedded in the front of Tooru’s shirt, now dripping down to the floor in a crimson pool.

“To Venice?” Hajime dumped the rest of his coffee into the sink, placing the mug on top of the pile of the rest of the unwashed dishes in the sink before turning around to face Tooru.

“Yeah.”

“But… why?”

Tooru sighed, kicking his feet lightly against the counter. “Because I think you still need to. For me.”

“... For you?”

“Think about it, Iwa-chan. Think about where you are.”

“What do you mean? I’m right here.”

“Exactly. You’ve been ‘here’ for a while now.” Tooru gestured around the room with his hand. “Don’t you think it’s time to get away from ‘here?’”

Hajime blinked, grasping back against the edge of the sink with white knuckles. He looked down at his feet. “I don’t know.”

Tooru sighed, sliding off of the breakfast bar. The man walked toward him, stopping just shy of touching Hajime’s toes.

“Hajime,” Tooru said softly, causing the other to look up. “I think you know. Deep down, I think you know you need to move on. It’s okay to move on.”

Hajime grit his teeth, his breath coming out shallow. “I…”

“And hey, don’t you think Venice would be a good place to break away? It’s where I always wanted to go, isn’t it?” Tooru smiled, tilting his head. “It’s poetic, you know.”

“But--”

“Hajime,” Tooru said again, firmer. “I know you want to leave this behind. It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”

Hajime clenched his fist, his breaths turning shallow. “You… You don’t know that, Tooru.”

“I do, Hajime.”

“I… I can’t, you know I can’t, Tooru--”

“Then not for you, Hajime,” Tooru’s voice was a whisper. “For me. For everyone. Please.”

“B-But…”

Just then Hajime’s phone rang, jolting him out of his thought. He glanced at Tooru, who nodded to the bedroom. Hajime blinked, rushing out of the kitchen and back down the hall to pluck his phone off of the bed and hold it to his ear.

“H-Hello?”

“Hey,” Issei’s voice was solemn on the other line. “How are you holding up today?”

Hajime inhaled a shaky breath, glancing down the hall at the sound of Tooru’s humming. Providing a sense of relief, he exhaled. 

“We’re okay,” he said softly. He chuckled when the humming turned to lyrics. “Don’t mind Tooru’s singing, he’s had that song stuck in his head for a while now.”

There was a pause on the other line, and Hajime took that time to listen to the tune that echoed into the bedroom.

_Come rest your bones next to me..._

“Uh, right,” Issei continued, his voice wavering slightly. “Um, so are you almost ready to go? Me and Takahiro were gonna come by to pick you up at about 10:30 before heading down to the cemetery.”

_And toss all your thoughts to the sea..._

Hajime smiled, the knot reforming at the base of his throat. “Yeah, I’m gonna ask Tooru if he’s ready too.”

Something like an exhale came out on the other end of the line. “Hajime, you… you know he's not there, right, Hajime? You know Tooru's not there.”

Hajime shook his head, forcing his smile to stay even as the knot brought a stinging to his eyes. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Another pause, and then a sigh. “He’s gone. Tooru’s gone, Hajime. Today is his funeral, remember?”

Hajime wheezed, his smile painful on his cheeks as he laughed. “No. You’re wrong, Issei. It can’t be his funeral because… because he’s right here with me, obviously. Can’t… can’t you hear him? He’s singing. He’s singing that song, Issei!”

“No, he isn’t. Hajime, listen to me: you need to calm down--”

“Shut up!” Hajime’s voice cracked as he gripped his hair, Tooru’s gel still sticky in his fingers. “You need to listen to him. H-h-he’s here. He’s here. Right now. He’s singing, Issei! Listen to his singing!”

Hajime held the phone out, his breath coming out shallow now.

_I’ll pull up each of our anchors…_

Hajime pulled the phone back and laughed again, all rasp and no voice. “See?! See, he’s singing. He’s singing and he’s there, Issei! He’s not gone! He’s not! So stop telling me he is, okay? Stop telling me it’s his funeral. Stop, just-- just...”

“Hajime...”

Hajime blinked, his vision blurring. He took a deep, shaky breath. “I-I’m gonna go now, Issei. Thank you for calling, but I h-have to go tell Sh-Shittykawa to shut up before he wakes our neighbors, okay?”

“Hajime, wait--”

“I’ll see you soon!” Hajime ended the call, the red button a smear of paint in his vision. He clutched the phone to his chest, squeezing his eyes closed as the hot trail of tears streamed down his cheeks. He stumbled back until his back hit the wall, sliding against it until he was sitting on the ground. He bit his lip.

_So we can get lost, you and me..._

“Iwa-chan?”

Hajime looked up at Tooru, who was kneeling in front of him with a look of concern. He was blurred by the tears, but his eyes were reflecting the morning sun, swirling a pool of brown that was ethereal in the light.

Beautiful.

Tooru was so beautiful.

The man in front of him smiled brightly, his eyes holding the world as he gazed fondly at Hajime.

He was so beautiful.

He was...

He...

“You’re… gone, aren’t you?”

Tooru smiled, nodding. “I am.”

Hajime closed his eyes.

“I… I don’t want to let you go, Tooru. I don’t want you to leave me.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“I won’t. I might not be here, but that doesn’t mean I’ll leave you, Hajime.”

“How do you know that?”

“Well, this is all happening still, isn’t it? I’m still in your mind. You can still hear my voice. You still remember what I look like. What I looked like.”

“Dr. Fukuoka says that it isn’t normal. That… that you can’t be here anymore. Not in the way that you have been.”

“Hmmm. Well, you do know she is correct, right?”

“I… do.”

“Then that’s what’s important. One day, this will all change. I won’t be here in the way I am now. And it’s not because I’m leaving you, but because _you_ got to move forward. You’ll still have memories of me. Of my voice, and what I look like. I mean, you better, Iwa-chan, or else that’s terribly rude of you. You’re not planning to forget about me, are you?”

“Of course not.”

“Then that’s all that matters. That’s how you know I’m always there.”

“Always?”

“Always, and a little more, because that’s how nice I am.”

“I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

“Me too. I love you too, Hajime.”

“I wish things were different.”

“Me too.”

“Promise you won’t leave me?”

“Promise.”

“Tooru.”

“Yes, Hajime?”

Hajime opened his eyes.

The room was empty, save for the light cast from the bedroom window.

“I miss you.”

  
  
  
  


_\--- 6 months after._

  
  


_Tooru,_

“My heart is buried in Venice, waiting for someone to take it home.”

_That's the final lyric._

_I write from where it is buried, with love always._

_-Hajime_

**Author's Note:**

> hope that wasn't too rough for ya heh
> 
> thank you for reading. sorry if it was ass, i was reading it over and over until i was like ??? what is english porque al parecer solo puedo escribir en espanol ahora jejeje :] jk my spanish is so rusty you'd have to call a plumber.
> 
> btw side note that the '2 months before' '10 years before' is like before the bucket was kicked, if you know what i mean. i felt like that wasn't really clear and i should est that but idk. just for reference if u want
> 
> also i hate the pacing i felt like it was so fast yet so slow at the same time and so i'm just gonna pretend like pacing isn't a real thing haha fuck u charles dickinson and others probably
> 
> idk this is just the space where i make up a bunch of excuses as to why my writing is ass but i can't think of anything else to say so just blame the wind for the shitty quality (-3-) so yeah ofc can't stay on character, really boring, no plot basically, chARAcTeR StuDy minus the character or the study so it's just ______.
> 
> if you read this ily and hope you have a swag day/night/mid-morning/twilight. whatever you feel like!


End file.
